She went from zero to smokin in five shots
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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