she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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