If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
