Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
