I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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