Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
