either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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