Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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