Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
