Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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