"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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