whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
