and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
