You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
