the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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