the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
