Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
