I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
