i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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