Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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