Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
