I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
