you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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