Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
