there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
