ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
