well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
