I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
