Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
