I just cut my nipple shaving
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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