I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
