get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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