Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
