I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
