So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
