well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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