dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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