I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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