Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
