I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I checked into jail on foursquare
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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