he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
