omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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