He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
