this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
