Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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