I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
