I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
