I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
