Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
