Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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